Not My Day

Today is not my day.
I have clerked a case yesterday morning, get ready to present it on today, however, my patient has been discharged last night.
That's a good case, febrile fit. Our subgroup haven't discussed the case before, I really hope to present it to my lecturer and get a sign/mark from her so that I can fulfil one of the criteria before we sit for our end of posting examination.
I hope that our lecturer won't mind and let me to present that case since that is a good case to study.
My bed side teaching (BST) is at the afternoon, if for the whole morning I didn't clerk another patient to get ready once she don't accept my case, I think probably I will be blamed by her although some of my friends in previous rotation said that she is quite nice and won't give trouble to the student.

For my safe side, I still go to clerk for another patient.
I really hope to get another patient with febrile fit so that I can clerk more confidently and at the same time we still can learn febrile fit with the lecturer. But most of the patients in the ward are acute gastroenteritis (AGE). Our group has been presented it before although we are still not an expert in this kind of case but sometimes we wish to learn something new instead!
But never mind, fine, I continue to clerk those AGE patient.
During my clerking, the mother told me that the child actually has developed febrile fit secondary to AGE. Suddenly, I feel happy because two cases combine, such a good case, sure have many things could be discussed.

We have to present at least 2 cases to the lecturer, get the sign/mark from them. This is the third week, I still haven't get the chance to present any cases yet. Probably due to the timetable arrangement is not so good.
Many of my friends have presented to lecturer and some of them get a good mark instead.
Being the last two to present in my subgroup and your presentation has been on hold for so many days are not a good things, the feeling is so complicated!

2 o'clock in the afternoon, lecturer arrived to the hospital. We told her that we have one long case to present to her, however, she told us that she don't want long case, she just want short cases for today.
How can? I clerked two cases, I prepared nicely for the first case and get ready for the second case, I bet today is my day to present, but what's happening really bring me down.

Sometimes, no matter how you are well prepared, something unwanted still could happen, and you have nothing to do. What you have to do is just to accept it, that's the truth.


My last posting's result has been released by today.
Get B in Obstetrics and Gynaecology posting. I have achieved my requirement of my scholarship, I should be relieved and happy, as this is the grade what I really aim for. Guess what, when the time I saw my metrics number with my result stated as B, I did not feel any happiness, I felt a bit upset, a bit disappointed.
For my first posting - Medicine, I also get B, but that time I felt very satisfied and happy for a few days. But not this time. Anyone could tell me why?

Going out with two of my good friend in my posting- Irene and Cheah after getting our result. As celebration? I don't know. I just wish to go out to walk around and don't wish to go home first. We ate the desserts together, RM 7.50 Easy Drink Easy Go Mesona for 3 people, we ate the Japan Boat Terriyaki with original and wasabi flavour together, we have dinner in a restaurant together, talk nonsense and laugh loudly together.


Today, definitely is not my day.
Let today pass peacefully and welcome tomorrow with a cheerful smile.

Tomorrow, go to hospital, clerk a case and prepare for my Friday's BST.


******* Update *******
Send a SMS to my pre-clinical mentor to inform her about my result. I think she is quite understand me and once I never tell her about my feeling, her next question is: Are you happy with it? Tell her what my feeling is and get a reply from her after that.

Her reply has made my remaining two hours of the day feel so touched and relieved. "Great. To score B in clinical years is great job. Keep your spirit up always. Most important you have done your very best and maintained your interest in medicine. I always have great confidence in you. Take a good sleep tonight and good rest tomorrow. Good night and sweet dream."

Yup, why still in doubt of your own ability while most of your friends and your lecturers have confidence in you? May be previously I haven't put much of my effort to it but I will try my best in this posting- Paediatric posting. Thank you, my dearest mentor.